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web > Introvert is actually emotionally stunted


[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39979725]

You seem to have this idealized notion of what community was like outside of technology.

By “idealized notion” you mean “the vast, vast majority of human history”?

“Community” is not typically defined as “the people you talk bullshit with for fun” and that’s all. Your community is the people you live with and among. It’s the people you’re most likely to experience Big Things with, things like natural disasters, weird stuff like power outages, or your building catching fire if you live in an apartment or condo. If you regularly interact with them, you probably also see them during fun things: street cookouts or yard sales (we do both at the same time, you get a lot more customers by when they have 14 sales to peruse and brats for sale!) or just see them grilling out when you go to get your mail, and end up having a few beers with them and talking about goings on. Hell, depending on your locale or culture, maybe your community feeds itself too from bulk kitchens, or does laundry, etc. etc.

I say this as an introvert who opted out of every social thing I could in favor of forums and games when I was growing up: I was wrong. I was deeply, deeply wrong. People are pretty great. They’re not perfect, and they can be a lot of work, but ultimately I was not hiding from people because they were bad or annoying or stupid: I was hiding from them because I was emotionally stunted and didn’t want to deal with it. That was it. And once I did I found human connection that was so much more sustaining, in a way where I can’t believe I once thought ^this^, chatting online, was an adequate replacement.

It makes me sad to think how many people out there are just sitting in their little rooms or cubicles because for whatever reason or set of reasons, they don’t feel comfortable engaging their fellow man, nursing a hollowness that will follow them around until they do because fundamentally humans are just not meant to exist alone. We just aren’t, it’s in our DNA to make groups and be among friends.